House-husband

Wake up.
Work for an hour.
Read the papers, through classifieds and forecasts.
Breakfast.
Hang around Raghu who thus far used to wash the car in peace.
Check the screws on the bike, kick-reassure the tyre.
Wife leaves for work.
Read.
Call wife.
Read.
Check furniture for dust.
Contemplate paunch.
Check waist with tape.
Call wife.
Warm lunch and gulp it down.
Inform wife that lunch has been had.
Read.
Doze.
Wake up, wipe book dry.
Check on bike.
Call wife.
Read.
Read Good Housekeeping.
Stare at mobile phone.
Hang around gate with dog.
Talk to dog.
Wife calls to say she'll be late.
Read Interiors.
Call dog names to see if he'll react.
Sing 'How much is that doggie in the window'.
Laugh hysterically.
Dog leaves with dignity.
Try new hair-style.
Read.
Wife comes home.
Show-off new hairstyle.
She has a headache.
Order from Wok-n-Grill.
Rum and coke.
Rum and coke.
Wok-n-Grill scooter arrives.
Try to engage delivery boy in conversation.
Eat.
Read.
Crash.

This is not what I had planned.
Not exactly.
When I first realised that I would be quitting my job, I immediately made 82 plans.
Or thereabouts.

Learn Malayalam.
(That I put off for later.)

Learn photography.
(Am halfway there. Have bought new digital SLR.)

Learn cooking.
(Halfway there again. Now know how to use microwave.)

Fix things in the house.
(This have been told not to.)

Look for business.
(There's no hurry on that.)

Write.
(Reading is an inspiration to write.)

Get fit.
(Tomorrow.)

Travel.
(Not doing too badly on that front.)

Spend time with oneself.
(Not doing badly on that front either.)

Contemplate.
(Am.)

Spend more time with wife.
(It's she who doesn't have any!)

Meet friends and drink.
(They don't have any time either.)

Put down the other 70.
(Can do.)

I have this against advertising.
It doesn't prepare a man for after.

And suddenly you realise.
That you have never spent time alone at home.
All your life.
School, followed by college followed by work.
You had parents at home during school.
Then pals in the hostels and chummeries.
And then, the lady of the manor.
You have never spent days at length alone at home.
You realise that a house in a quiet neighbourhood is quieter in the afternoon than at night.
That if you need a cup of coffee every hour, you need to make it yourself.
And the dog, is definitely not man's best friend.
I read a joke out aloud to him yesterday and the jerk walked away.

Believe the man, it takes getting used to.
And it's mighty dreadful till you do.
Wife agrees.

P.S. Wife read post and found it funny.
Woe is me.